Blogging has kept me sane. The entirety of the past 3-4 months, pouring my heart out to complete strangers, has helped me carve out the voice and person I hope to be and grow as in ways I would’ve never imagined. I’ve been unearthing so much of my pain and trauma for the world to see that I’ve finally reached a point where the majority of stones have been turned. I’ve cried my trauma out, written 500-600 word blog posts, and let myself just embrace pain. Now I want to talk about love.
I’ve reached a point in my adulthood where everything hangs delicately in a hazy balance, the scales tipping ever so slightly and shifting back into place. For once, existence isn’t difficult, but floating with ease. I laugh brightly and let my voice boom and control a room. The past week, I’ve poured my entire self into complete strangers and have felt so bonded by our love for each other, ourselves, and our crafts. At 2am, we belted Hotel California as I hit notes I haven’t bothered to reach since I was 11. I revisited my love of music and let it fill me like a dive into a saltwater pool. I’ve fallen in love with people for being people and let kindness fill my heart. My chest is light, my eyes bright and wide open.
My life is in a point of transition, as doors continue to open. In finding love within my craft and the people around me, I’ve found a deep love within myself. I’ve fallen in love with the way my voice cracks when I push a note too hard, because I’m just feeling it. I’ve fallen in love with the way I fill space, the way I love those around me. I’ve fallen in love with the mind that continues to be critical and a heart that nurtures. I’ve let myself create and take space, opening a level of self love and love for my community I’ve never felt before.
I’m excited to continue to write. I’m so very humbled to have a community that loves and supports me in ways I’ve never felt; a community that in my darkest of days knew and believed in my potential and abilities and never gave up in me. And so today, I’m thankful for the way I love and the way I’ve created love not only within myself, but with those who have never stopped loving me.