The struggles of university students very often become normalized. I fell asleep at 6pm yesterday, and hauled my ass to school at 7am to complete Calculus homework. I’m exhausted, scratch paper taking up a third of the table I’m sitting at, and having to force myself to take a moment to myself and work on my writing. I feel guilty that I’ve been neglecting writing during finals season, but also find myself feeling guilty when I do take that time for myself. I felt uncomfortable even doing my makeup today, even though I know it’s something that I look forward to every morning, because I should be focusing all of my energies on this last sit in final. But I’m not.
Why do I feel so guilty taking time for myself? Especially in this stressful, sleepless climate, I should be taking the time to eat, reflect, and let myself just exist. I woke up angered that I fell asleep so early yesterday, instead of accepting the fact that I was exhausted and required that rest to have a productive day. I’m not even the worse situation during finals season. Students are sleeping all around me, carrying toothbrushes and blankets with them for overnight studying. Everyone looks as if they’ve had their entire lives sucked out from beneath them, as the semester works its way to a close.
I’m concerned for my fellow classmates and myself because this shouldn’t be our condition. We shouldn’t be working 12 hour days studying and forcing papers out of our ass. We shouldn’t be so dependent on napping to get through the day, unable to go home to adequately prepare for exams. I’m fed up with the youth constantly have to sell their souls to survive, whether it be through loans or our labor, for low wages, shitty housing, and an institution that cares more about making money off our backs instead of investing in our education.